I don’t know if this is something one should blog about, especially as it is still so raw. But writing helps me make sense of the world and this subject needs lots of sitting with and working through. And time.
My husband died almost four weeks ago and it is indescribable how I am feeling. Good, bad, desperate, together, but most of all sad, deeply sad, sad like nothing I’ve ever experienced. Some of the light, the normal vibrations that backdrop my life, have changed. At times that change feels imperceptible. At other times it’s like a sledgehammer beating down. I don’t know if that will last forever or some undefined period. It’s just there, all the time, whether foreground or back. I just miss the man I shared the happiest, most adventurous 30-some years of my life with.
This I do know: missing him will always be with me in various forms and degrees, but also reminding me how lucky I am to have had the depth of relationship that will live eternally in my soul. Not everyone is lucky enough to have had that. And so ultimately, we were blessed. I am blessed.