I heard these words recently, not aimed at me thank heavens. But they could have been.
As I think back over my life, I’ve made that easy choice far too often. I blame part of my anger on my Leo birth sign, Leos known for being quick to flare and roar. That luckily is somewhat offset by Leo’s generally holding few grudges. We vent and move on in varying speeds.
But it disturbs me that with all the adventures I’ve experienced, working and traveling the world, the wonderful relationships that color my life including friendships that go back to pre-school, plus my many sisters and their families—in short more than my share of blessings—that I would ever feel justified choosing anger.
Of course there were and are situations that have been extremely difficult in my life, and people I’d soon never have met. But it all pales in comparison to the riches and joys of my life.
And damn it, I’m going to try harder to remember that!
The Second Christmas
The second Christmas without my husband of over three decades was upon me. And somehow the second one felt harder than the first.
The first was perhaps clouded in shock and confusion over the radical changes his death wrought. Friends and family helped me through, and they have not stopped their demonstrative support.
But something is different. Perhaps it’s just the sharpening of focus as shock and confusion dissipate and the loneliness of missing my husband comes more clearly into view. Or is it the changes in my life following his loss that spread out before me into an unknown future lying murkily before me. I can’t even say with certainty where I want to live or how. Endless choices feel like too much freedom, overwhelming me and rendering me stuck.
This second Christmas was a bah-humbug time. And the only constructive thing I can do about it is assume that this too shall pass…in its own sweet time.